How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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