We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
