You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
