I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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