remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
