so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he thought i was a dude.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
