Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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