dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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