Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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