Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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