Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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