peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My ATM looks so different sober.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
