I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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