We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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