Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
