I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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