the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
