all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
