You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
