Banned from zoo.
Again?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
