I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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