That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
