I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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