my being single is dangerous.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
