yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
