I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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