OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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