..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
