I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
