my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
