the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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