Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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