i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
