I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
