your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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