my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
