He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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