Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
