The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
