Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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