also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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