Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
