you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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