I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
