Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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