I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
