I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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