He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize