even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
