these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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