Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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