my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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