***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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