Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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