i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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