In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize