What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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