The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
