I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
