you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
