I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
