She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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