I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
