when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I understand Curling. That high.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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