How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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